Where Do I Go

from here?


I've kinda soft-UNlaunched my food blog, because I just realised last night, and the whole of today at work, that I really have nothing to look forward to in this industry. I need a life and I don't think I can sweat it, doing those long hours, getting hit on the head, no overtime, super low medical "benefits", low pay and all. I don't have it in me.


I used to, because he was always there, spurring me on, with those wonderful random words of encouragement, but, now, I know I can't run this marathon.


So where do I go from here? Hmmm... I'll graduate first, and then, move on to the next chapter. So long safety boots, apron, jackets, pants & toque.


Life is meaningful because of people, and not things (in this case, things that you DO). It's the people who are around you, that makes this LIFE.


Copping out? Perhaps. I want to go out there, and start a family of my own. It's time. My clock's ticking! *lol* never thought I'd ever say that this early.


OH well, tomorrow (or rather, in a few hours time) is another day. Fingers crossed. Wish me luck people. I'm taking another freefall.

Claiming Hours

This month of Ramadhan is considered off peak season, and so, the hotel has decided to not pay us overtime. Therefore, we just go to work later or leave earlier, and claim our hours back. This means.... next month's pay is going to be only half of what it's supposed to be. Oh my goodness... I can't imagine.


Other than that, it's really awesome seeing the sunlight stream into the house and see what the garden looks like in the daytime. Still, the house rings empty....


I still miss him.

Beauty & The Beast

Burned my hand quite badly today, grabbing a super hot pan handle and the best part was, I couldn't let go, coz it was sticking a little. o___O!


Oh well, everyone really rallied around me and were super concerned, which is super sweet, and I made it home, driving my manual white bug, safely, thank God.


Now... to make it through the night, and if its really bad tomorrow, I'll go see a doctor. Hoping that they'll bandage it super tight, so it gets numb, so I can continue and work. Sigh.... Looking at long white streaks on my palm right now... wonder what human meat tastes like.




And, yeah, heard that Bow Chica Wow Wow song just before coming back. Well, no chance anymore, he's a really changed person now. Doesn't care about anything or anyone, or their feelings, except whoever he's with now I guess. So rude and cold, and he's requested that I delete the pics on FB that have us together. AND he also deleted his account.


I can only hope and pray that someone will give him so much love, and change him back into that wonderful person I love and know. Beast after all, is still a prince under all that. He's a good man. He is. I believe in him, even if he doesn't believe in anything now.


Goodbye Ian Penguin...

Misty Moon

I'm back from my mini darurat-KL, and first thing I see when I come out of the car, is a misty moon. I've been hearing these songs and everything reminds me of him.... 

And something shared where I really love the presentation of this song....

Here's to another weekend alone....

Auditing is only fun for auditors...

Already my working hours do not grant me a normal life, what more today, I just got back from work just this. Auditors from SFSMS (Safe environment workplace food and hygiene thingies) reached today, so the whole place was thrown into major clean-up. 


Stayed back to make sure all the items were date-marked correctly, things properly placed and cleaned right down to their tiny nooks and crannies.. and the whole time I was just thinking, that Ian had made an appointment with me Monday night. I was so pissed off during service because I knew we would have to stay late that night. Lagi la, phone died.


And, to add to all that, I've to be in the kitchen by 7am, meaning, reach hotel at 6.45am the latest, leave the house by 6am latest. The executive chef's orders. So, I've got 4 lonely hours to sleep, another appointment that tak jadi passes by, I miss him and Tinky so so so so so so so much it's really driving me crazy, and another day forward into that lonesomeness-forever-future. :*-(


Maybe it's for the best, maybe he would have just msged me and said he's not free, came back late and he's tired and whatnot. Yeah, avoidance. It really hurts.


What can I do? Wait..... and wait..... until he is happily married with kids with some beautiful girl who can cook all his favourite dishes and More, and be the one he's always needed and wanted.


Me? Just work work work, and probably be eaten up when I die alone in this house, by my 40 cats and dogs. *sigh*


*another stale piece of KFC, milk and off to a Nap before work... again.*

Work work work...

Working day in day out, with no time to spend with anyone even myself... and of course, the recent few months have been a rollercoaster from my peak to that long dipping, stomach-hauling feeling, which I am still experiencing now...


Super malang days leading on to super lonely and quiet nights.. well, this is what I asked for and got, through my actions and my words... I shall write more about this one day. I am the most vague, when I am experiencing something. Only when I have gone through and achieved catharsis, then only will I fully expound the whole issue.


Well, cheers to solo nights ahead people. If I can't face nights by myself, how can I go through life, when the constant companion is only me, myself and I?

Time To Get A New Lappy

No offense meant.... but I'm going to get a lappy, WITHOUT anyone's help, advice, contacts and/or string-pulling. Then only, can I bear all complaints, problems and grouses fully on my own lack of judgement. 


MAC BABY!!!


Recently, this laptop took an unapproved hiatus into the world of darkness and absolute refusal to start up.... Making life for me, hard, but not so hard, remind of those days where technology was an idea expressed in movies and sci-fi films. (No la, I'm not that old. LOL)


But, it has taught me a lot. For one, patience. Secondly, it weaned me off my dependence on Facebook (and the internet in general). Although, it sucks not to be able to send out mails, especially during this time of finger-wiggling uncertainty.


Yes, I am waiting for my internship to commence. Although, despite what many have said, I do not seem to be getting anywhere with the applications. Hmmmm.... Another question is, should I go or should I stay? I would like to stay, but, something inside me, tells me that, once I stay, I shall stay here forever. Pessimistic and Messianistic, I may sound, but the same old thing happened to my mom, and until now, it still bothers her.


So, I say, SCREW uncertainty, comfort zones and familiarity (with somewhat more conviction than I actually feel). If it comes, and it's meant to be, then GO I shall!


Random thought: OMG, something I discovered *blush* whilst rereading my dissertation, was a sentence in the conclusion, that I should have seen!! I used the word "Real" when I should have used "Actual". It ended up having the subject come across as imaginary vs. reality when it should have been assumed vs. actual. Adoi...maluness.... Oh well, so much for my powderful England. 


So, uncertainty vs. certainty, challenge vs. comfort, adventure vs. knuckling down.


One of the hardest decisions ever....


A song to suit me in my current mood...

Kopitiam Blues

Oh yeah.... IanPenguin and I have a bad case of Kopitiam Blues.


As in, badly wanting to sit down at a kopitiam in the morning, have our toast, half-boiled eggs, and just share grumpy grunts about the day, surrounded by chirpy uncles discussing the state of the world in a myriad of languages and dialects.


And, so, I had to take a breather from another of my all-nighters, by looking for some eye-candy.


Found lavly stuff, like this:

JUSSSSTTTTTTT to make myself feel better. You know?

I know. I have masochistic tendencies.

And then............

I found THIS.

MATA BUKA TERUS.

AISAYMAN!!

Fatty Fatty Bom Bom

This fatty needs to be reprimanded for shameless Ben&Jerry-eating sessions.

Moments:

1. I feel so frustrated when it's fresh out of the freezer, and it's too hard to grab a decent spoonful. And next thing you know, I'm scraping the bottom. OOHHH NOOO!

2. It's not my fault really, this pigging out on lavly lavly combos. It's just that reading too many scholarly journals inexplicably makes me reach out for another pint.

3. My Ben & Jerry's shrine at home is growing.

4. Seeing friends on vacays in bikinis, and me in a sarong, with a pint and a large spoon is NOT really motivating. Back to Ben&J's.

5. I use small spoons to make me eat less and slower but end up staring the ice cream in the face until I hit a cardboardy sound.

YEEKS. I AM FAT.

Busy Cari Pasal...

Currently, my semester only has... hmm.. 3 subjects and these subjects are 3 hours each, so out of ONE week, I have 3 hours in 3 days of classes each. DAMN FREE right?

So, Edexcel is back! I mean, for those of you who don't know... it's the night job in Cyberjaya that I've taken up before, so it's gonna be interesting. Looking forward to the moolah... :D

Other than that, I'm absolutely braindead... nothing blogworthy has happened... well, Nothing actually. Heh. Hope to just get my car lowered and tinted (for now) and of course, when I'm well off (bit more) buy a lovely house!

OH. Reading this month's CLEO really hit me hard. I think, I shall write in to them and share my thoughts. You guys should read this month's issue on the Migrated Urbanite Life (errr.. I don't think it's titled as such, but it's pretty much something like that.. OH SHITE. I'll just get it *ruffles through bag*) It's called: The Metropolitan Fallacy.

It really struck a chord in me.. about how life in the city changes us, and the actual merits of staying in our "sleepy" hometowns.

My thoughts on this:

I did, at some point, think that Penang was a little slow and sleepy, and yet, it didn't hit me, that when I was there, it wasn't at all boring! In fact, my mom keeps scolding me for treating the house as a hotel (aka come back to bathe and sleep only, otherwise, the whole time I'd be out). Now where did I cultivate that high-nose, shopping mall-er KL-itis??

I always complained, saying, KL is all malls and nothing else to do. Actually, it is partially true, as a lot of events are also held at malls. Of course, you have the clubs, the resorts, the back-to-nature places or whatever else place that offers recreation. I know, it's not fair to generalise, I know I'm not a futsal-er, or a gila fishing person, but I find it a tad harder to do all these things here rather than in Penang, where nature is just a step away. Or everywhere else for that matter.

Slowly but surely, I find myself going for a little more expensive brands, (I mean, in Penang, a RM200 top is like, "WHAT?", in KL, it's "cheap/affordable/okay"), I've become a perpetual mall-rat (worse from last time in Penang), I think that a place which is 38km away, is "actually not that far", paying RM5 for a bowl of noodles is "reasonable" and so on so forth. *SIGH*

I'm officially growing very comfortably into this metropolitan skin. I mean, the culture is everywhere that it's hard for a person in say, their 20s, just getting a job that pays fairly well and is quite a social, outgoing person, to NOT notice and feel the pressure.

Just the other time, at a cousin's wedding, another cousin of mine mentioned that, "Hey, generally people in Malaysia don't take an effort with their looks when going out. In New York, it's so different." I mean, just look at Devil Wears Prada. We Malaysians are Anne Hathaway and the Clackers are the New Yorkers. And true enough, Anne Hathaway does fall into that pressure hole (despite the fact she loves carbs and somehow fitted herself into a size 6 in the middle of the show). And it happens to all of us, most of us, out-of-towners that make it here to KL eventually.

All I can say is, it can sound depressing cause this does mean more shallowness, more emphasis on beauty, image and superficial things. I admit, I have given in, more than freely, to this addictive culture. And there's so much more to buy!

It's an interesting subject, this. I shall expound this when I have the right time and frame of mind. Heh. Meanwhile, go read CLEO. It's an eye opener. That article. Really. And see if, "Dia yang makan cili, dia yang rasa pedas" cases happen..

Nights.. :)