Tuesday Tea Tarik Time!

We live each week, dreading Monday, looking forward to Friday and then enjoying Saturday and Sunday.

Stop.

REC.

Rewind.

Repeat.

* * * * *

Aah, today's blog shall be, I decree, all

Centralised.

I feel out of center, and so, I'd like to balance that.

I felt quite depressed lately. I do not know why, but the feeling suddenly

came upon me.

I question why. And then I think back.

Something must've triggered it. But what?

The fact that I remain stuck?

In this somewhat unreal reality of living life in college,

when other friends are already well established in their jobs...

Stuck in a position I neither hate nor love.

Stuck in a no-go situation.

backwardforward backwardforward

drawkcab-forward

Is this the life?

I get hit by this question everytime I log in to blog in.

My mind wants to unravel at a mere mention of a tumulteous word.

Which none has yet to utter.

Why O Why this lyrical waterfall?

I have no answers. Today shall be:

"Centralised Question Day"

+ the occasional statement or two. :)

* * * * *

I sit, here, Kona-fied with the ultimate Hawaiian coffee.

A mix of chocolate, aircon and mildly-milked coffee.

Alone. Waiting.

For something to happen.

Like, something in my mind, perhaps.

Yes!

Found it.

First thought:

I still can't get over the fact of that particular Crowe.

That friendship.

Anyways, last night, I didn't sleep a wink!

My mind was roving, with thoughts, fantasies,

dreams, wishes and plans (for today).

And so, I'd like to post something, in memory of a friendship that could've been so great if it had continued.

Conversation few months past:

Me: How do you say, Wild Mushroom, in French?

Crowe: Hmmm... Why?

Me: Tell me first. And I'll tell you why.

Crowe: I'm not sure, but I think it's "Champignon Forestiere"

Me: *LOL*

Crowe: Why?

Me: Well, I just saw a menu, and it was stated there,

"Champignon Sauvage Soupe"

And Mr. Gerhard went, "This is why my French and German is getting so bad.

*laughs*

Imagine that!

The Savage Mushroom Soup!

* * *

whereby me and Mr. Crowe spent the next few minutes trying to

smother our wild, uncontrollable fits of laughter,

while a 'soft' German guy was blushing due to

his attempts to speak Bahasa Malaysia from the podium.

=====================================================

And I thought, he was the only one who'd ever get stuff like that.

And, we had tons of fun in Singapore. *sigh*

Talking about Adam Duritz and Billy Corgan's writing.

Their depressedness and how it just speaks volumes

about our own lives.

Really, I can't get over it.

This is my major setback for 2010.

And I do wonder, if he'd ever see this.

If I should mail him, and tell him all the things running through my mind.

"You're a fighter! The last one I'd see knuckling down to that bastard."

"He walked away, saying he was fed up. But, it was with me.
What about staying for the other 2 in the team?

I'm not the majority. You say it's about teamwork.

So, just because you were fed up with me, you abandoned the entire team?

But YOU. You stayed.
And I thank you for that.

You found something inside you, that put aside all differences and bias

for those few hours and helped us through it."

I probably will never be able to say those words to Mr. Crowe.

I wish oneday, I will put aside my fears and insecurities

and just say my thanks to an ex-friend.

I hope it's never too late.

Too late to say my thank yous.

Too late to find out what went wrong.

Why did all the great memories just fly away,

because of one insignificant week?

The hours spent, talking, teaching, learning, laughing,

teasing, singing and sparring.

I feel really sad.

And equally indignant.

I thought Mr. Crowe had better judgment.

I thought he'd be above all this.

That he'd emerge as the better man.

But, as life would have it,

all things come to an end.

I bid you farewell

my once dear Crowe.

"Vote For Me & I'll Make Your Wildest Dreams Come True." - Pedro

Time flies by so fast doesn't it?? Last I remember, I was waiting for FHA to be over, and I thought, everything would be peachy keen from there onwards.

But life is a marathon full of hurdles.

Ongoing on we go go on go on....

I'm at Starbucks now, waiting for someone to talk to me for a research on backslidden Christians. My first question will be, "What is the definition of a backslidden Christian?"

Wait. Scrap that. It will be "Hi..Are you Janet?" considering the fact that I've only heard her voice until now. And let the games begin...

================================================

So yeah, everyone keeps asking me, "Why did you cut your hair??" Like there has to be a reason for it? Of course there is, silly. Why else would I? I was actually planning on entering Guinness Book of Records and therefore lug around roughly 15 (and growing) kilos of hair around with me for the rest of my life until I grow such massive head muscles and be eligible for another Guinness entry.

Owh. But, standard ettiquette and general 'me'-ness just smiles and replies, "Buang suey." Hah. I should've known that that would generate more questions. So now, I quickly interject, taking advantage of their surprised 'O's and say, "But the suey is still following me." Ending with either me coming with another explanation drenched in pathetic humour, or just a confused smile with the accompanying option A: "But you look... nice la." or B: "Not sayang ah?"

Today, I chanced upon saying, "Hair grows, so..." Replied with, "Yes, but it'll take so long to grow! Like.... 2 - 3 years?" Then I said, "But I plan on living til then, so I guess I have the time and the opportunity."

And just yesterday, concerning another subject, I said, "My motto is to Live Fast, Die Young."

But, as my observant grandmother says, loads of people are going short, crew cut and what not. She was saying it's a fashion trend. I said it's the *politically correct word* "climate change".

Screw being politically correct. Being politically correct is sucking up to the right people at the right time. Some people never wean themselves off the teat and therefore excel wherever they go, by finding the appropriate udders to host their parasitic beings. Note to self: No pacifiers for Junior next time.

I'm currently swamped with work and honestly do not know where to start. Everything looks so muddled and my sleep-deprived brain can only process a thought every 5 minutes. I've heard that people die of sleep-debt. But ever since Dr. Rod's classes, asking us to critically analyze information that we get, I start to doubt everything I hear. Like the Human Picnic, the Worms from infected bras, the chopsticks-turned-noodles in China etc. Although, I'm sure stuff like this does go on, but spreading false rumours is a war of terror. Creating fear in people unnecessarily is just that. I wonder what the end result is.... my brain refuses to function now.

Well, about time to meet Janet. :)

*publishes post & fiddles with mindless games while waiting*

"...left us on Tuesday."

I do not know what it is about controversy that changes mere men into antsy animals.

For instance, I could be one of the more controversial students in college, sparking up more tempers and debates than a featured Language week. Back and forth and back and forth, like a ping pong ball, the words and stories fly. Gee. I wonder.

Long time ago, I would always dream of gaining superpowers. Let's see... my childish dreams versus my "adult" rationale now.

Being Invisible

After watching the movie with Kevin Bacon in it, I got freaked out. Yeah, there were the voyeuristic moments that EVERYBODY enjoys (Please do not discount the fact that YOU and ME are all voyeuristic. We are. Admit it, hence the success of shows like Simple Life, Kardashians and Jersey Shore.) but when it came to the part where he could not sleep because his eyelids were invisible, therefore it was always bright for him. And not being able to see yourself in the mirror, when you KNOW you're standing there? That, would be quite depressing in the long run, if it were me. Sometimes, I think we need to stay sane and remind ourselves that we're still human, by looking in the mirror. Right smack into our own eyes, to see if there are still shards of respectability still left.

Able To Fly

I pity the birds nowadays. They look so miserable, when all they did was look majestic those days. I would love to be free and fly, but in a hemisphere such as the ones now? I do not think so. With LRTs, helicopters, sky high buildings, pollution and the heat... I would just want to hide in a tree overhanging a lake and just be.

Read Minds

Loads of people wish for this, but I think, the silence or the oblivion is what keeps us happier and cocoons us in that safety zone. If not, I believe, we'd be hearing loads of things we did not want to know even. Even with the voyeur intact. There's this show, The Invention of Lying, which is awesome! It's about a world where noone lies. It brings a totally new perspective on life. Kinda refreshing, but also, well, no lies. Whereas we have lies, deceit and whatnot, so what more when we think it. *shivers*

"A penny for your thoughts would suffice, not a king's ransom,
thank you. That would be too much information. "

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That's that I guess, for all our little dreams and fancies. I sit here, in the most beautiful spot in all of KDU, the little garden tables on the first floor. So removed from everyone, even the traffic sounds so distant. I find it very soothing and calming, once all the hooha in college starts to die down. That's when you find the very essence.

I think, for one to actually see if you really can appreciate something, you have to strip it down to its bare essentials. Then look at it again. D'ya fancy what you see?

Fancy what you hear or smell?

My place for instance, when it was bare, no furniture and nothing homely to look at, was an absolute dream. It still is. Getting better according to some, but I'd prefer less furniture, and more friends please.

Thoughts for the day:

Second chances are given with a lot of doubt and expectations, so the more secondary the chance, the more pressure. Sucks to be me.

Some friends I do regret losing. And I think, it does hurt both ways, because, both find it hard to talk. I think, the less attached you are, the easier to patch up. *sighs* Well, here's a toast to the Crowe who's flown away.

Silence is sometimes more smothering than golden. But, like in the movies, if you are evading Freddy, it's always the best bet to keep quiet. And not sleep. But that's a different story altogether. :P

Hmm.. My dreadings are over and done with for the day. So what can I look forward to tonight?

1. Books and more books! Curling up in a corner with a steaming cup of Gingerlily Tea and a light ambient drizzle and whimsical breeze.

2. Dinner somewhere new, different, affordable and full of vibrancy and laughter. Elcerdo tapas and wine would be LOVERLY. But.... settle I shall.

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Worthy of mention, we had a video interview today by the Star. So embarassing! I mean, it's quite unnerving to have a black shiny thing in your face, and having to smile at it. I honestly don't know where these newspeople get the guts. It's so unsavory at times, but quite funny when you do not do it well. I guess, the ability to laugh at yourself is quite important when you are in public scrutiny. As in, mental-survivor-skill-important.

And, Xiao Xing was nice enough to tell me, she had read my blog and found it entertaining. Hah. It's weird... having someone say that. I mean, sometimes, it's so personal, and the most unexpected people come up to you and say, "Hey, I read that." It's like.... Salad Fingers trawling his long digits on a tiny spot of rust from your favourite whistling kettle.

I.... stray.

And now, I go.

Off.

Back.

Home.

*trawls off, wondering about Clive Barker*

Wednesday Is Equally Boring...

The peak of the week, Wednesday, is where I am right now, after a cancelled 8am class and the next class is at 2pm.

How else can I get back those lost hours of curtained, comforter bliss? NEVER.

I have now decided, that every time I write, I shall put in a few things that I should/am looking forward to, just to end on a more positive note...

I have to sit for a dinner, be enrolled in someone's wedding function (not related remotely), prolly go for some video shoot and recreate some dishes for journalists. Good stuff? Not necessarily, because, I have had my fair share of kitchen gear for this month. Looks like you can not only never take the kitchen out of the chef, you can also never take the chef out of the kitchen.

So here, I vent. Here, I am. Listening to jazz amidst the babble of other people, full of life, in the cafeteria. Noise only gets to you when you're lonely. Am I? Nah, besides the fact that I had to run into the wisemen today, of which, is so last season, last post, last rainbow's end. I am so over the fact, that in this world, you lose friends for many reasons. Some of which, to filter out the good from the potentially hurtful to making you a better and stronger person, despite the somewhat decent persons they may have been in your life.

Regrets? Of course. Who doesn't have them? Somewhat wistful, right now, because I started the day on a diet of Counting Crows, which brings back loads of memories, some recent, some so old.

Sigh... I cannot wait for this day to end. I just want to curl up in a corner, force myself to finish up as many assignments as possible (speshly the one due TOMORROW) and just while the time away. *dirty thought: I feel like skipping MPO, but I shall not FFK*

Dreading:
1. Horrible parking in KJ LRT parking.
2. Horrible people in LRT.
3. Having to lug my lappie around for the whole day.
4. Assignments due TMR, this week and so forth.
5. The amount of catching up to do in QM.
6. Dinner. (I don't plan to eat. Nothing holds my fascination for more than 5 minutes nowadays.)

Today's Consolations are:
1. MPO with Eve, despite change of programme. Grr.
2. Possible shopping moments after.
3. Appearance of Tinkerbell, after a momentary hiatus by Stinkerbell.
4. Fluffy pillows with a promise of a leisurely long drizzle in the evening.

Well, time for a meeting for QM. Blah.

*walks off sleepily*

Here We Go Again

It's Monday people and the looming deadlines do absolutely NOTHING to soften the blow. Gosh, weekends just fly by so fast, and before we've even recovered from the last week, another one comes up, bursting at the seams with promise of even more drama.

Well, my previous entry was.... kinda... dark, prophetic and quite holier-than-thou. Venting is a must! Forgive me if it was a little much, but at least I've gotten it out of my system.

Oh yeah, cut me hair again. Feel like I should go shorter. People still recognise me though (bad and good), so I guess, I should go more extreme.

Away Bad Chi-chi, Away!

I wanted to go all blonde but that ticket to La-La Land is quite.... a price to pay. It's like a total emasculation of one's self. I would just throw away loads of image/standards/perceptions just by changing the colour of my hair. Hmmm.... but the guy said I would look washed out, so maybe after a few more stints in Bali, I'll go Barbie-blonde. Til then, I'll try and achieve my electric red (The Faders, finally us oldies got that, at the table) shock of hair. Still dont have the guts to. Which I should muster up by now, after the amount of crap I've been through lately, hair colour is the least of my problems.

Oh yeah, Momma's Day is this Sunday! Prolly celebrating it with Grandmomma and Ian's Momma, coz me own Momma will come down much later. Wanna do something easy and nice to eat. Like a nice Stuffed Roast Chicken, some Asian inspired Salad and maybe like a twist on Briyani or summat. Briyani rocks! (current food phase)

OK, just got a call, I must go up and do Student's Survey. Gosh. Well, at least I have something to fill this 30 minutes. If only life were so free yeah...

Consolations for today is:

1. IanPenguin's first day at work. Excited Penguin skedaddling off at 6.30am. :)

2. Pavlovas, Live Jazz jam sesh & Bellinis with Evelayn later.

3. Bathtime to transform Stinkerbell into Tinkerbell.

*saunters off to the Comp. Lab, hands full*