Last Note

you are my fucking car crash
you are my ruin
pinpricks of pain
just to keep it all in
squeezed all the fibres of soul out
of my heart in your iron hands
filled it with veins of glass
crashed it like a wave on the sand
exit this train of thought
buy a one-way ticket at the cinema
cross me at the crossroads
and get drunk at a candy bar
proliferate thoughts
jumble big crosswords
play them charades
and put your marbles in a jar
when will i stop hurting
when will i feel numb
why does numbness amplify all emotion
why does silence amplify all sound
one week ago
5 years ago
i made a mistake
the biggest one of my life
one week later
5 years later
a carcass on one end
a parasite on the other
to continue living
one has to die
to continue loving
one has to lie
i shall not lie
wish i could die
but death is such an inconvenience
a luxury in fact
whereas living reeks of poverty
depravity, despair and ill wind
how can i choose
when it is not my choice to make
how can you decide
when it is not your life it breaks
you don't really care
you nazi bastard of a pig
all you want is what you want
when you want how you want
don't you dare now
push me around
no wonder she threw things at you
because you threw her to the ground
stepped on her heart
stripped her bare of her dignity
her womanliness
her soul
and her personality
one never quite recovers from such a destructive relationship as you
i have given my all
my well is now parched
my land is all barren
my hut razed to the ground
nothing left behind
except a huge scar and desolution
the winds of war
carry the reek of men
through the tattered flags
of their country who has forgotten them
this is what you have reduced me to
scarred battlefield
with no victor but you
and all my bridges burned
you return home triumphant
i wish that my loss will be your loss
but i realise that my loss only makes me lose
i am not a loss
i will not be one
because she has been beguiled by your win, your spoils and your words
walk away, holding your enemy's sceptre
walk away from all decency and human behaviour
are you proud?
will you even be?
if you even understand
half the words
written here
maybe, you might feel even better
because you have won

you
the only one
have won
bravo