Long Days And Longer Nights

I don't know how much more I can take.
I'm really scared nowadays, when there are so many weird people staring in the house, even in the daytime, and cars slowing down to have a look, late at night, people fighting and drinking outside, the same few bikes going too many times around the block. 
It gets too quiet, that every sound makes me jump.
Even the wind howls around the houses, making doors and windows creak and slam.


I wish Tinky was here, I'd feel much safer. Of course, it goes without saying, I wish HE was here even more than anything in the whole world. Loneliness can be the worst killer, worse than anything else, and especially since I'm the catalyst to this whole situation, it's my Judas-face I see in the lonely mirror everyday. 


But, for his sake, I have to let go.


I will not call him. He doesn't want to see me ever again.


He really hates me. I can't believe I actually made him hate me. I hate myself too.


We still have to meet, to get this business of the house done and over with. After that, freedom and peace of mind for him. 


What do I get? I don't friggin care. Not anymore.