Yesterday

Yesterday for the first time in my life, I actually obsessively called for I think nearly 30 times in a row and sent several texts. No answer, no reply.


Looks like I've been given the official brush off. 


So much for this text dated, 4 June 2011
"That would be great.i admire that,would love to be around you during that process.I hope you are serious on what you have said."


5 June 2011
"Sorry for the late reply.yeah ill spend time with you. ...."


7 June 2011
"Ok...sleep tight then...will see you soon to catch up alright...nite nite..."


Just TELL ME if you don't want to see me EVER again okay??????


Am I going crazy? Acting crazy? I made you into that. I made me into this.


I can just see history repeating itself. How you had problems with your ex, and you asked for my number at the bar that you worked at. Few days later, when you actually extorted it out of a mutual acquaintance, you call me up, take me out to mamak, spill your heart out about your emo-troubles with your current girlfriend, and boom, four days later, you're sleeping with me and a week later, you break up your 5 year relationship, and start with me.


Which girl is it now, who's taken your fancy at some happening Subang mamak now?
Don't just say it's all guys, and then keep your phone glued to your hand, even when it slips down the pillow, you can be fast asleep one minute, when I get up to bathe, you actually barrel your way upstairs, demanding where your handphone is, when actually it was there all the time. So Goddamn sneaky!!! Why are you so concerned where your phone is, when you already put it on lock mode anyways? 


Before you moved out, you would switch it off at night, and wait for me to leave the house, then you would switch it on. So friggin SNEAKY!!!!


Go fuck Vivien Lim, Melissa May, Ira, and whichever random girl you pick up at the club who loves gyrating herself against your crotch and tell yourself that she's the next one on your list, when you can actually preach to me about how "wild" "partygirl" I am, and not wanting to settle down, when you're going out to places getting girls who're equally or even worse than I am. 


At least I don't sell myself to some sugar daddy so I can fund my expensive bag and clothes habit just because my real daddy is some minister who claims to be holy-moly, but has recently fallen out of public favour, and despite my family connections, I still am studying despite my age, and still bumming around, changing courses. Put me up on that pedestal, because I'm a friggin' goddess to you, that you will never admit to anyone about. I'm your emo-partner in crime. Your best friend, who's so refined, that you never had feelings for, but yet you know what my lady parts smell like. WOW.


Go on so many dinner dates and send random text messages to a girl who already has a boyfriend for so many years, telling her how you're getting excited, and then ter-press Send button, coz she said she's going to have a shower,and you can imagine that. And then come and preach to other people, about how a third party tore your relationship apart. How about this one girl??? And her boyfriend, who's a cousin of your so-called good friend who just laughed when I said that you and me broke up.


OH, I know that this is NOTHING compared to what I did. Coz you did it ALL AFTER we broke up. Yeayeayea. Have the decency to MAN UP and answer the GODDAMNED PHONE!!!


Know why I'm saying all this????/?? Coz I freaking hate you for making me miss you and I still love you. 


I'm FUCKING STUPID. 


I'm FUCKING NOTHING.


I'm a FUCKING Cheap, easy, alcoholic, drunk, whore. That's according to you.


I don't give a shit about anything anymore.


FUCK THIS. FUCK YOU. FUCK ME. FUCK LIFE. FUCK OFF.