I'm Yours

I know that we haven't the time to spend with you... it's never about the money TinkyWinky...It's about you and what's best for you.

Do we really know what's good for you?

How do we reconcile the fact that we love you so much that it would break our hearts to see you go, with you having a future with someone who can give you what you really need?

Are we being selfish by wanting to keep you? Or are we being selfish by saying that it's best for you?

But I wonder, when that person takes you by your leash and leads you away... will your little doggy heart be breaking just as ours will be?

Will you spend nights thinking about what we're doing just as we will be thinking about you?

All the countless times you looked back when one of us walked slower than you to see if we were still there.

All the times you would walk circles around us and make sure that we were safe.

All the moments you growled your little doggy growl when there were strangers coming too near us..

All the times you ran away from your favourite treat/toy just to check on the sounds that were coming from outside the house.

I want to say we can but... can we?

When I go off for my training, who will care for you?

When Ian goes overseas on jobs, who will be there for you?

I hate seeing you cooped up all day, watching the rear end of our cars disappear from the borders of the gate.

I hate hearing you whine and bark when we drive off, busy, thinking about the day ahead at work.

I hate that you're outside the house nowadays, because I want you inside the house, where you belong, as part of us.

I hate talking to you now, because the more I say to you, the more I will miss you when you're gone.

I hate coming home to your lovely floppy ears, melting green-hazel eyes and white jigsaw-piece chest because it's only a reminder of what I will never see again.

I hate coming home and seeing you shake the entire cage by just wagging your adorable tail, because next time, that will be just an empty spot, with no life, no sound, no you.

I wouldn't mind sacrificing by letting you in the house. I will make the necessary adjustments by taking all precious and fragile things away from your destructive doggy jaws just so you'll be happy running around, being part of the house, because you are part of the family TinkyWinky.

I don't mind having a golden spots on the grass, because, I can water it away and grass grows back again.It's only 1.50 a patch. But the seams of my heart will never grow back again if I lose you TinkyWinky.

I don't want you ending up as a mere breeding machine for a money-minded businessman. He might not treat you with love, the love that a wonderful dog like you is worthy of.

Who knows? The family you go to, might not be as tolerant of your mischievious behaviour as we are.

I wouldn't want anyone else to punish you but us, because, I do not know how hard they'll smack you or what other means they might take to make you realise your wrongdoggydoings.

Don't go away, StinkyTinky. We can make it if we try. I really know we can.

I hope Ian will get over his OCD-ness and just give and take a little. We have always cleaned up after you, and chased after you, despite your proneness to 'airing our dirty laundry in public'. Literally.

I hope that he realises that having a pet is like having a kid. A real home is never pristine, clean and presentable. It always has pets, kids, dirt, noise, bills, furniture, stains and most important of all, Love.

If a home were to be always beautiful, presentable, squeaky clean and not a hair out of place, it is not a home. It is a showroom.

I will never abandon you Tinky. But it is not my choice to make.

Everyday I come home, I am so afraid I will not see you sitting there, wagging your tail, because you know the sound of my car and just can't wait to hear our voices.

I always smile, seeing your two little baby teeth stuck on the note on our wall of fame with the date of when you started losing your milk teeth. You're on our Wall of Fame, Tinky. OUR wall.

I did say that once I am back from Singapore, I do not want to see you there. Because it would drive me crazy seeing someone take you away, right in front of my eyes.

But if it is really the best thing for YOU, then I guess it is inevitable.

Maybe, if things were to turn out best, you would forget us the minute you left the house. You would actually run towards your new owner, away from us, the minute you saw him/her. If you were to be completely animalistic and only have loyalty to the hand that feeds you. No memories of your puppyhood, of last month, or even just the last few moments when you were still ours.

I sing "I'm Yours" to you every night, not only because it is your favourite song that puts you to sleep, but because of the verse,

"There's no need to complicate, Our time is short, This is our fate, I'm yours."

And really, you have made me yours.