... I still do me wrong.
Daily Epidoses: Not-so-daily doses of life. Bite-sized! (most of the time) :)
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Matters of the Heart
A draft of the thoughts that entered my mind....lame. I know.
Tis a terrible thing,
She called Love
A potent potion
Made from Hell and above
Twas at once he was
and at the same time he was not
That the Heart sprung up in life
at at once, suffered and died
-----------------------------------------------------
I am perhaps, too complex a creature, to be loved fully, wholly and dearly. I am only to be seen, heard, kissed, hugged, kept at a distance and then discarded. Oh no, it is not as what you may think, dear reader, but, just a moment of weakness in an attempt to "be happy".
Be happy I shall, but not at the expense of the misery of others.
So, it really is time. To stand up. Buck up. Toughen up.
And disappear.............
Tis a terrible thing,
She called Love
A potent potion
Made from Hell and above
Twas at once he was
and at the same time he was not
That the Heart sprung up in life
at at once, suffered and died
-----------------------------------------------------
I am perhaps, too complex a creature, to be loved fully, wholly and dearly. I am only to be seen, heard, kissed, hugged, kept at a distance and then discarded. Oh no, it is not as what you may think, dear reader, but, just a moment of weakness in an attempt to "be happy".
Be happy I shall, but not at the expense of the misery of others.
So, it really is time. To stand up. Buck up. Toughen up.
And disappear.............
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Things (I hope) I Will Never Give Up
I just thought about it, and yes, there has always been that super nagging I get, that drinking is bad and blahblahblah.... I have thought about it before, tried to stop (and everyone said I was such a downer then) and I have decided... that it is far too lovely and delightful an activity for me to give up. Therefore I shan't. My argument: Conversation really kicks off after a few drinks, and trust me, if there were no such thing, we'd all be boring, quiet and not have that many friends/acquaintances/business associates//deals. ;)
Another, which requires less willpower and more people, is the old school board games! I'm so glad that there has been a resurgence in live, real action, classic board game playing, that have resulted in such cafes such as Mage Cafe (Atria, Damansara) and Meeples Cafe (SS15). Nothing beats throwing the dice yourself, moving, counting and thinking, instead of click-click, keyboard commands and such.
Tattoos - oh yes. I shall never give it up, and *update* new ink btw! :) A long-awaited gift from April last year arrived together with V-Day this year (thanks Ian). Super happy and so glad that it wasn't painful at all, except for a few edges here and there. Now, it's time to do MORE!!!
OK.. enough restlessness.. I shall drift off... leaving you with the melody in my head..
Night wonderful people!
Another, which requires less willpower and more people, is the old school board games! I'm so glad that there has been a resurgence in live, real action, classic board game playing, that have resulted in such cafes such as Mage Cafe (Atria, Damansara) and Meeples Cafe (SS15). Nothing beats throwing the dice yourself, moving, counting and thinking, instead of click-click, keyboard commands and such.
Tattoos - oh yes. I shall never give it up, and *update* new ink btw! :) A long-awaited gift from April last year arrived together with V-Day this year (thanks Ian). Super happy and so glad that it wasn't painful at all, except for a few edges here and there. Now, it's time to do MORE!!!
OK.. enough restlessness.. I shall drift off... leaving you with the melody in my head..
RIP Mark Linkous.
And one of the views of life...
Reminiscing about... Embarrassing Episodes
I am super restless tonight... too much on my mind. And so, I (luckily) took a trip down Memory lane to my old blog with the comment from CandylandCass about how much funnier it is compared to my current one. o.O And so, reading through the old stuff, I think it was way funnier because, of my Embarrassing Episodes and for the new year and new starts (and also just plain ol' boredom) I shall list out my (reported) episodes in this post.
Chronological order:
1. First time going to KL to stay on my own, I was friggin' nervous the night before orientation in The One Academy. I freaked out so much that I just texted every living soul I knew that would be awake AND sympathetic, and EileenSpazz was there to save me. She gave me the sweetest, bestest and weirdest advice ever:
3. Going back to Penang hasn't saved me from 'exciting' incidents either.
4. Even a post-funeral lunch has me getting into scrapes.
5. Sunday mass in church - OH YES.
6. My First and ONLY accident ever since I started driving.
7. Even Singapore and all its rules couldn't stop me.
8. Weird moments, tension & mix-ups. Sigh.
9. And of course, the latest classic case of Me Being Me.
There are tons more that I haven't even chronicled.... already, this list scares me.
Hmmm.... enjoy people. :)
Chronological order:
1. First time going to KL to stay on my own, I was friggin' nervous the night before orientation in The One Academy. I freaked out so much that I just texted every living soul I knew that would be awake AND sympathetic, and EileenSpazz was there to save me. She gave me the sweetest, bestest and weirdest advice ever:
Me: I'm SO SCARED. OMG, what if I don't make any friends? What if I go there, and my art is total crap, and these people will draw circles around my sobbing self???
Eileen: Don't worry Yil. You'll do fine. Remember... You're the WAVE.
(Insert Blank Expression Here)
Anyhow, after awhile, she had relatively calmed me down enough, so I could have a fitful sleep and wake up the next morning, feeling absolutely drained. But, I walked to college, repeating the mantra, "You the Wave. Be the Wave." And so, milling into the heavy glassed-door reception area, I nearly fainted again, seeing how many people were there. I found out that I was to line up, get my tags and go upstairs. I told myself, See? You haven't tripped, or done anything stupid, so it's all going to be fine.
And then I realised something. I thought it was. But I wasn't sure. Maybe I was paranoid. But then I checked. And found out that, the whole time I was walking to college, standing in line, looking around at me timidly......
MY ZIPPER WAS DOWN. *BLUSH*2. And then, after getting that tag, I had to go to the narrow corridor which led to the stairs and *ZIP* and *Breathe* and go into the hall, where I was, again, met with further embarrassment.
3. Going back to Penang hasn't saved me from 'exciting' incidents either.
4. Even a post-funeral lunch has me getting into scrapes.
5. Sunday mass in church - OH YES.
6. My First and ONLY accident ever since I started driving.
7. Even Singapore and all its rules couldn't stop me.
8. Weird moments, tension & mix-ups. Sigh.
9. And of course, the latest classic case of Me Being Me.
There are tons more that I haven't even chronicled.... already, this list scares me.
Hmmm.... enjoy people. :)
Monday, February 14, 2011
Surfing Through iTunes
A deluge of emotions in this moment of boredom brings me to this other song that comes to mind....
Fool's Garden - Suzy
It's such a pity this group got known for the single most crappy song on their entire album (which was so different from the rest of the songs anyway), but they have good stuff. Wish they'd come back. Lovely lyrics...
Fool's Garden - Suzy
It's such a pity this group got known for the single most crappy song on their entire album (which was so different from the rest of the songs anyway), but they have good stuff. Wish they'd come back. Lovely lyrics...
For All Those Feelings Inside
Just a coincidence I'm getting a mushy on V-Day. :)
Me likes this version, but can't find a better vid of it..
Well, toodles for now!
*skips off*
Valentine's Day
What's the huge deal about this day, I wonder?
Have I become one of those jaded, cynical adults who only view birthdays, anniversaries & Valentine's as another milestone on the calendar, a bump in the road to just shrug at, and move on with no further ado?
I honestly don't see it as something great, a day where prices are hiked up for sardine-packed restaurants/cinemas/etc, service is bad, food is minuscule (and PRE FIXE, mind you), girls walking around the mall in tiaras & ball gowns (YES!), guys falling over their feet in case it doesn't work out as it should, pints of ice cream and chocolate being consumed by the truckloads by those lost and lonely, the somewhat diluted efforts of anti-Vday thematics & theatrics as well as those of the ardent believers. All for what?
Looking back, I do remember those days, where excited schoolgirls awaited the arrival of scrunched up notes, from a secret admirer(s), the mysterious male scrawling of nervous, naivete expressed in the very few words guaranteed to make any heart flutter...
A novelty, yes, a marketing scheme, the billion-dollar cash cow for companies involved in any way possible, but, why do people still believe in the whole idea of it?
Maybe, no matter how old, grey, pessimistic or cynical we get, we are all human. The sheer idea of an unknown admirer out there, the possibility of that person being the one you've liked all the while, the bitter taste of unrequited love disappears for a split second, hope and faith reborn, youth rejuvenated, hearts silently skip beats all over the world, gazes are exchanged, cheeks redden, lashes flutter and souls are brought together.
Hmmm... maybe we shouldn't give up on Santa, fairy godmothers and St. Valentine's just yet ay?
<3
Have I become one of those jaded, cynical adults who only view birthdays, anniversaries & Valentine's as another milestone on the calendar, a bump in the road to just shrug at, and move on with no further ado?
I honestly don't see it as something great, a day where prices are hiked up for sardine-packed restaurants/cinemas/etc, service is bad, food is minuscule (and PRE FIXE, mind you), girls walking around the mall in tiaras & ball gowns (YES!), guys falling over their feet in case it doesn't work out as it should, pints of ice cream and chocolate being consumed by the truckloads by those lost and lonely, the somewhat diluted efforts of anti-Vday thematics & theatrics as well as those of the ardent believers. All for what?
Looking back, I do remember those days, where excited schoolgirls awaited the arrival of scrunched up notes, from a secret admirer(s), the mysterious male scrawling of nervous, naivete expressed in the very few words guaranteed to make any heart flutter...
A novelty, yes, a marketing scheme, the billion-dollar cash cow for companies involved in any way possible, but, why do people still believe in the whole idea of it?
Maybe, no matter how old, grey, pessimistic or cynical we get, we are all human. The sheer idea of an unknown admirer out there, the possibility of that person being the one you've liked all the while, the bitter taste of unrequited love disappears for a split second, hope and faith reborn, youth rejuvenated, hearts silently skip beats all over the world, gazes are exchanged, cheeks redden, lashes flutter and souls are brought together.
Hmmm... maybe we shouldn't give up on Santa, fairy godmothers and St. Valentine's just yet ay?
<3
Well, here's the melodies in my mind...
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Crossroads
Everywhere I turn, there seems to be crossroads...
At the crossroads of my life, it's so hard to make a choice.
Should I learn from the biggest winners and risk it all in one chance?
Or should I just knuckle down and never have that last dance?
Should it be easy to leave an inferno behind?
Should it be so hard to speak what's in my mind?
What would the world be like, if everyone spoke their mind? Their true, honest feelings...
It would be simple? Yes? No? It might be more hurtful, but at least, a little clearer..
I wish, for a time, less complicated than this...
I wish, I were a different person, a different world, a different lifetime...
I wish I were less daring, less prone to challenging norms, less empathic...
I wish I were more toned down, less spontaneous, less carefree, less soft hearted...
More majority than minority, more mainstream than alternative
More quiet than noisy, more introvert than extrovert
More reined in than demonstrative, more submissive than challenging
More domesticated than fun-loving, more right than right now...
Would you wish the same of me?
At the crossroads of my life, it's so hard to make a choice.
Should I learn from the biggest winners and risk it all in one chance?
Or should I just knuckle down and never have that last dance?
Should it be easy to leave an inferno behind?
Should it be so hard to speak what's in my mind?
What would the world be like, if everyone spoke their mind? Their true, honest feelings...
It would be simple? Yes? No? It might be more hurtful, but at least, a little clearer..
I wish, for a time, less complicated than this...
I wish, I were a different person, a different world, a different lifetime...
I wish I were less daring, less prone to challenging norms, less empathic...
I wish I were more toned down, less spontaneous, less carefree, less soft hearted...
More majority than minority, more mainstream than alternative
More quiet than noisy, more introvert than extrovert
More reined in than demonstrative, more submissive than challenging
More domesticated than fun-loving, more right than right now...
Would you wish the same of me?
Time To Get A New Lappy
No offense meant.... but I'm going to get a lappy, WITHOUT anyone's help, advice, contacts and/or string-pulling. Then only, can I bear all complaints, problems and grouses fully on my own lack of judgement.
MAC BABY!!!
Recently, this laptop took an unapproved hiatus into the world of darkness and absolute refusal to start up.... Making life for me, hard, but not so hard, remind of those days where technology was an idea expressed in movies and sci-fi films. (No la, I'm not that old. LOL)
But, it has taught me a lot. For one, patience. Secondly, it weaned me off my dependence on Facebook (and the internet in general). Although, it sucks not to be able to send out mails, especially during this time of finger-wiggling uncertainty.
Yes, I am waiting for my internship to commence. Although, despite what many have said, I do not seem to be getting anywhere with the applications. Hmmmm.... Another question is, should I go or should I stay? I would like to stay, but, something inside me, tells me that, once I stay, I shall stay here forever. Pessimistic and Messianistic, I may sound, but the same old thing happened to my mom, and until now, it still bothers her.
So, I say, SCREW uncertainty, comfort zones and familiarity (with somewhat more conviction than I actually feel). If it comes, and it's meant to be, then GO I shall!
Random thought: OMG, something I discovered *blush* whilst rereading my dissertation, was a sentence in the conclusion, that I should have seen!! I used the word "Real" when I should have used "Actual". It ended up having the subject come across as imaginary vs. reality when it should have been assumed vs. actual. Adoi...maluness.... Oh well, so much for my powderful England.
So, uncertainty vs. certainty, challenge vs. comfort, adventure vs. knuckling down.
One of the hardest decisions ever....
A song to suit me in my current mood...
MAC BABY!!!
Recently, this laptop took an unapproved hiatus into the world of darkness and absolute refusal to start up.... Making life for me, hard, but not so hard, remind of those days where technology was an idea expressed in movies and sci-fi films. (No la, I'm not that old. LOL)
But, it has taught me a lot. For one, patience. Secondly, it weaned me off my dependence on Facebook (and the internet in general). Although, it sucks not to be able to send out mails, especially during this time of finger-wiggling uncertainty.
Yes, I am waiting for my internship to commence. Although, despite what many have said, I do not seem to be getting anywhere with the applications. Hmmmm.... Another question is, should I go or should I stay? I would like to stay, but, something inside me, tells me that, once I stay, I shall stay here forever. Pessimistic and Messianistic, I may sound, but the same old thing happened to my mom, and until now, it still bothers her.
So, I say, SCREW uncertainty, comfort zones and familiarity (with somewhat more conviction than I actually feel). If it comes, and it's meant to be, then GO I shall!
Random thought: OMG, something I discovered *blush* whilst rereading my dissertation, was a sentence in the conclusion, that I should have seen!! I used the word "Real" when I should have used "Actual". It ended up having the subject come across as imaginary vs. reality when it should have been assumed vs. actual. Adoi...maluness.... Oh well, so much for my powderful England.
So, uncertainty vs. certainty, challenge vs. comfort, adventure vs. knuckling down.
One of the hardest decisions ever....
A song to suit me in my current mood...
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