A Quiet Calm

Today meant a lot to me. Because it was a skewed version of Willy Wonka and the Golden Ticket, except that the ticket would take him further away from me, rather than bring him into my world.


There were so many things to be said or done, but, the air buzzed with the silence of two people with so much history and yet no future, both trying to outrun each other into oblivion.


But I have to agree with PoshJosh's theory of women actually getting tired of men liking them, because, it is true. I refuse to layan all advances, and once I feel anyone trying to get too close to me, I start giving excuses to not see them/go out with them. It's not a hostile thing, it's just, I'm tired of it all, and I'd rather go home and be by myself.


I realise it is because I have conciliated myself with these two facts:

1. I know he is my soul mate, and there is no one I'll be with for the rest of my life.
2. I know he will never take me back, so it's either him or no one at all.

And so be it. I'm fine with things as they are. I'm calm, going through every day, like clockwork. There are no major ups or downs (unless it is about him) and so that's how it's going to be.


Although, my greatest regret would be that I could never start that big family I've always wanted. But that's another chapter...