Always here...

I can never change the past, but the future is just a day away, and change can happen in the next second...


I wish he'd believe that, and see that my previous post is just screaming out, "I don't want anyone else. The next one is the next time, the next chance with you." Because... I was angry and needed to vent. I get angry and hurt because I still love him. Him? I think he's silent and quiet, because whatever I do does not mean anything to him anymore. It's all these irritating actions by that evil ex. "I'll just take my money, and then I don't have to have anything to do with her anymore, thank God" is probably what he's thinking.


Sigh.... everything has changed, except my love. Which, ironically, is growing more and more, because I try to think of the best for him, and try my utmost best, to not bug him by texting or calling him. I fail every once in awhile, but I hope to get better...


How do I still let him know that I'm here waiting, faithfully always waiting, without contacting him? Some telepathic connection that penguin soulmates have? Hmmm.... "Network unavailable" "Call has been blocked"


All I can do, is hope and pray. I won't give up. I will wait. Die alone if need be. Somehow, I hope to hover in the background silently, making things work for him and ensuring he doesn't get hurt or harmed in anyway. An invisible guardian angel. That is how much I love him. God speed my love.