So Lame...

I am probably one of the lamest people on earth.


He's so right.


An alcoholic, drunk, easy, don't act my age, selfish, mean, sarcastic bitch.


Who'd want me?


I was lucky enough that he stuck around that long.


And I ruined it all by cheating on him.


What was I thinking?


I never took the time to resolve our problems, and when it started to grow over the years, I just thought that we couldn't solve it, and so, I ran away. Thought that people who listen to your problems could make life easier to deal with. And then, I dealt him the cruelest blow, by deciding that we weren't meant to be.


We could have saved a lot of heartbreak and pain, by taking some time to really talk and try to solve our problems. We were just too caught up in our daily lives, and then the problems got more deep-rooted, little petty issues blew up into huge arguments, remarks and words became more bitter and angry, and then we broke up.


I don't blame him for not wanting to see me. Not wanting to try again. I'd love for him to, but I don't want to hope. I do hope, because if not, I'd totally break down and everything will stop. But when I hope, I also get disappointed. What am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to do?


I can work on my life, on me but with everyday, that hope just diminishes...
And it feels so futile, so pointless, because, I really really know, that he was THE ONE.


I have been cheated on before, I've been dumped, taken for a ride, and being single for about 2 years. Why is it so different now? Because, I really see the truth. I KNOW that we really made magic together, and I know that no one else can ever make me feel the way he does. NEVER ever ever ever ever ever.... 


What do i do what do i do what do i do.............???