So Ironic

Really, am I in love with an asshole? 

Surprising how sometimes you have to beg people to take the money, that in the first place they were bugging you so much about.

Oh well.

I asked, if you're silent, it means you agree.

As in agree that you don't want the money anymore.

Wow. I really don't know him anymore. What a "man" I think I still love.

Pfft. Yes, I still love him. But, oh well, sometimes, you have to wake up from loving jerks and realise you ARE way better off without.

Of course, another epiphany, sadly, from the deepest of my hearts...

I can't live in 57 anymore. I really can't. I can't come back to an empty house, working the hours I do.

I feel so terribly lonely, miserable everytime I come back.

I really need someone to be there for me, to welcome me home, to hug me, make sweet love with me, someone I can smell and cuddle to sleep even for those few precious hours.

Hah. The next one, I'm marrying. *ironic laughter*

So what? I'm copping out?? Nah. I need to start being happy again. REALLY HAPPY.

Not people who call you a "whore" and a "bitch" on your birthday and don't even say nuts to you the whole day, just for the sake of revenge. And also diss everything that you love, your real true passion, just for the sake of revenge.

Of course I deserve better. Next one, you lucky thing, you're getting every single thing he ever wished/dreamed I could give him. And BETTER. Waaaayfriggin'better.

Go ahead with whoever it is, whichever groupie you have in your so-called playboy life.

I'm getting settled down. And you know what? It doesn't matter that you can shag all you like every week, I'm going for the long run, the long term, someone I go home with, come home to, until the days of wrinkly-hand-holding. I'll live my dream of having a big family, and be the grandmama who cooks like crazy everytime family comes back. I love that people get through each others' mistakes, flaws and excuses no matter how huge, because that's what Love is. If he can fall out of love so fast, which I'm still not doing, then it just shows, how "real" it all was. He fell in love with me very fast too, what does that say about him?

Oh, I'm not on a husband hunt. I'm on a happiness hunt, and when I'm happy, imma make the next person so happy as well, that we will see how our relationship is so worth fighting for, no matter what happens.

*Wrinkly hand holding image*

I'm not so afraid of growing older now. We'll both be doing it together.